affair. Has it been months… maybe years without any luck of
any positive change. If you are fighting to fix what has been
broken then I want to tell you a story…
Even though this may sound like a fairy tale, it certainly didn’t
start like one.
(I’ve changed the names, to protect the couple.)
Kevin was manager of a very successful restaurant
and Donna was a nurse. After being married for 17 years, 2 kids
and two very demanding jobs they emotionally grew apart.
Sound familiar?
What made it worse is when Kevin came home and dropped the
bomb that he’d been having a 6 month affair with Kris, the waitresses
from the restaurant.
And to top it off he was moving out.
Donna, was devastated, enraged, and humiliated.
“How could this woman, Kris, come into our lives and
destroy 17 years?”
“How could my husband do this to me and my children?”
The jealousy, shame, loss of hope, betrayal, anger, fear,
frustration and insecurity were almost too much for Donna to
manage.
She immediately went into a deep depression.
It’s wasn’t only Donna that was traumatized. Her two children
were facing the possibility that their mom and dad would
divorce.
This seemingly perfect family was ripped apart almost overnight.
When you are 14 and 12, having your parents together is crucial
for your sense of safety and self-worth. Remembering the day
their father left still holds scars (and many tears).
After 4 weeks Donna decided to try to pick up the pieces and
do what she could to salvage this wreck. However Kevin was
stone cold and unwilling.
She tried:
> talking…
> going to personal counseling…
> discussing details…
> even reading self-help books…
However nothing seemed to work to motivate Kevin to work
on the relationship.
Finally after 7 weeks of being separated, Kevin’s affair with
Kris ended and he decided to move home.
Apparently, he felt guilty and realized that he didn’t want to
hurt his children.
But still he refused to go to counseling or restore the relationship.
He was simply going to stay for a limited time for the children
until he could figure out what he wanted to do.
Now you know why I say this was far from a fairy tale.
That’s when Donna found me online. She was close to giving up
because she had taken more than she though she could handle.
However, one night she read my article on Surviving an Affair
and decided to invest in:
How to Survive An Affair
Even after she purchased it, she had serious concerns
about her husband’s willingness.
“How can I motivate my husband to engage with me and
heal our marriage?”
She had every right to wonder that.
However, I told Donna not to concern herself with this.
Right now she needed to worry about herself and let
Kevin develop the desire to change.
You see, we all know that we cannot force change on
someone else.
It has to be a freewill decision. Forcing someone to change
is in fact telling them that they are not valid or that what they
are currently doing is not good enough.
It can only make matters worse.
That means:
> Not forcing someone to read my program…
> Not conveniently leaving the system around where they can find it…
> Not giving ultimatums.
No, in fact if you want someone to change, you have to
give them a reason to change. You need to inspire them.
Here’s what Donna did.
She decided to put aside her fear and went through my
entire Survive An Affair program. There are 3 distinct
phases and each one is designed to be followed in
sequence.
After she went through the first phase, she was able to
get a handle on her emotions. All of the:
* Jealousy
* Uncertainty
* Shame
* Loss of hope
* Betrayal
* Guilt
* Disappointment
* Anger
* Vengefulness
* Fear
* Frustration
* Paranoia
* And many more (too many to list here)
You see, I’ve never met anyone who hasn’t experienced these
emotions. Once you feel them, you can either stuff them or
learn how to process them.
However, if left alone, you will become calloused. I saw it
starting to happen to Donna.
This is why, I instructed Donna to go to page 38 of Section 1,
where I took her by the hand and showed her how to process
the Eight Heart-Wrenching Emotions.
After she took a few weeks to do this (and leave Kevin alone)…
that’s when it started to break.
Read what she wrote…
‘Thursday afternoon late in the day Kevin came home early from
work. I still had a few hours before the kids got home from
school, so I was surprised when I heard the door open.
We hadn’t really talked in months, so you can only imagine
how tense it was just the two of us alone. However, I knew
something was going on. Kevin very rarely got off work early,
in the restaurant business.
We spoke for a few minutes and he acknowledged that he
knew I was studying your system. He saw me reading it,
and I am sure he glanced at it, but what happened next I
never expected.
He tried to open his mouth to talk but nothing came out.
He was speechless. He just broke down and cried.
I’ve never seen him cry so hard. It broke my heart.
He told me how sorry he was for all the pain he caused
me and the family. He told me that he didn’t deserve me.
And that’s when I lost it. We must have cried for a 20 minutes.
After that we were able to talk for almost an hour and half before the
children came home and it was an answer to prayer.
In essence, he explained to me how he saw a difference in
me and appreciated the patience I had with him even though
he knew I wanted to kill him at times.
He agreed to making a new start and told me he would begin
your system because he could see it made a huge impact
on me and he was willing to give it a try.
Not just for the children, but for the reason why he married
me in the first place. Because he loved me.
It was the best news I had in 11 sleepless weeks.
It was a start and a little ray of hope. So I took it.
Thank you for your program and thanks for dedicating your life to
saving families.’
Donna (real name withheld)
Several weeks following I was pleased to discover that Kevin and
Donna were successfully going through my system and things
were changing.
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